Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
love makes seman taste better
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
