I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
