I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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