I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
