guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her vagine was all disorganized.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
