I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
