oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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