Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
