i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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