The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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