Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
