News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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