There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
