i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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