Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
