it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its liver damage thursday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
