He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
These tits shall not be calmed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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