Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
