I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
