it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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