I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
