I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
