a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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