It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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