Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
