What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
