Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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