Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
