If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
