You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
