look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you repeat that, but with context?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
