This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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