I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
