the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
