went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
