didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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