I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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