nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
