i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
