im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
