So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
