I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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