i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't notice because vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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