I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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