he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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