i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
