i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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