for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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