i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
