proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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